OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
