y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Sponge bath it is.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
