i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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