is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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