Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
