this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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