im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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