every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
