he puts the penis in happiness.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
