My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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