hotel room ftw
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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