There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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