sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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