Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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