I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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