I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize