My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there was a trapeze. enough said
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
