I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
