She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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