Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
