are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
