I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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