Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
