I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
