this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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