you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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