I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
