so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Boobs speak an international language.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
