i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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