I cannot find my penis.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
