Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
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and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
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And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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