did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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