Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
