youre lurking in front of me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
