I got chris browned last night
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
