i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
