jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
