omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
