Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
