Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
