No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she looked like the before picture.
two words: eviction party
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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