is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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