the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
