No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
