I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my shit smells like andre
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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