The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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