it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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I love how my cats smell like pot.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
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OPIZZABONMYDICK
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize