Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
