ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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