How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
