It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
