u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
