we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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