he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
