My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
farters have to be the big spoon...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
