he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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