so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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