So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
