Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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