idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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