I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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