I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
