If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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