Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize