I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
