Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Randomize
