bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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