'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
