everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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