her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
