I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
