i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
