We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
